Tinubu’s Gains: Is Ribadu Living In Fool’s Paradise?, by Abdulkadir Salaudeen

I cannot believe it. So we still have people who believe the present government in Nigeria is anything but disaster! I listened to Sheikh Nuhu Ribadu—the man who should have led a national prayer against national calamities—counting Tinubu’s gains in less than two years in office. Has he forgotten that the prayer he was to lead(which the Presidency now denied)is to spiritually confront the intractable calamities that infest the land? So, which Tinubu’s gains was he counting?

Could it be that Nuhu Ribadu whom many suddenly thought to be a sheikh has, again, suddenly become a PR man after the government shelved organizing the national prayers? I know he is part and parcel of this government, but I never knew him to be a sheikh (a prayer warrior, if you like) or a PR man. I still have to check, as I write this piece, to see if Ribadu had been assigned new role. To my surprise, he is still the National Security Adviser (NSA) to President T-Gain—the President with one thousand and one names.

Ribadu must be a polymath—a renaissance man—to be able to function in many roles as a sheikh, as an NSA, and as a PRO (all at the same time). I envy him. He is an all-rounder. Though I don’t find it strange that Ribadu chose to take Tinubu’s job, after all, every Nigerian—due to the all-pervading hunger in the land—is hungry for such job. (I learnt Bwala Daniel has now being appointed as Special Adviseron Public Communications and Media at the State House). What I find strange and cannot believe is that Ribadu will be so enthusiastic about Tinubu’s job to subject himself to ridicule.

Recently, at the opening of the Comptroller General of Customs’ Conference 2024 with the theme, “Nigeria Customs Service: Engaging Traditional and New Partners with Purpose”, Ribadu spoke about Tinubu’s Gain (T-Gain). Among other claims, Ribadu asserts:

Ribadu: “This is Nigeria of 2024.”

Me: “That is correct.”

Ribadu:”And this is a Nigeria where the critics will be quiet.”

Me:”I hopeso.”

Ribadu:”And one after the other, things will change.”

Me: “Change for what? For better or for worse? What do you mean?”

Ribadu:”And things are already changing.”

Me: “From worse to worst, right?”

Ribadu: “Many parts are safe, especially in the Nigeria Delta.”

Me: “Even Abuja is not safe.”

Ribadu: “Nigeria has got to 1.8 million barrels per day of crude oil. This hasn’t been seen in a long time.”

Me: “Though petrol was sold N195 before T-Gain and now it is soldN1, 200 per litre during T-Gain.”

Ribadu: “Tinubu gains, you move everywhere in our own country today free of fear.”

Me: “This is a BIGFAT lie.”

Ribadu: “Nobody dares Tinubu and wins, never, nobody.”

Me: “Is he a god or Satan? If he is alreadya god, myprayer is that sychophants should not be successful intransforming him to become god with capital ‘G'”

Ribadu: “We will chase the so-called Lukarawa out of our country.”

Me: “Na for mouth dem dey defeat terrorists.”

Ribadu: “We’ll put critics to shame and shut their mouths in no time.”

Me: “I am a critic. If by putting us to shame, you mean Nigeria will be a great nation and its citizens will live in abundance under Tinubu, I will be the happiest to be shamed.”

Ribadu: “Boko Haram, which has been ravaging our country, is now on the run.”

Me: “Just last month, the on-the-run Boko Haram members slaughtered farmers and killed soldiers in Gwoza and Marte local government areas respectively. You may also wish to ask GovernorUmar Bagoabout how terrorists are terrorizing Niger State.”

In my column titled “Let’s Collapse the Greed, not the Grid, to beGreat “last week, I wrote: “I am yet to see any sane Nigerian (rich or poor, in power or out of power) who holds contrary opinion to the frightening reality of this existential hardship. Even President Tinubu’s fanatical Awa lọkàn could not  agree less. They strongly believe T-Pain exists.” Now that Ribadu had been given a podium and a microphone, I have finally found a sane Nigerian who does not see the frightening reality of existential hardship Nigerians are living with. What Ribadu sees is T-Gain.

It should be noted that some would disagree with me—many have already disagreed—that Ribadu is sane. For instance, in reaction to Ribadu’s enumeration of G-Pains,we read a post on Dr. Mahdi Shehu ‘Facebook page, Rescue Nigeria Urgently. Shehu wrote: “I called Ribadu’s  submission delusional, and my daughter called it comical. My grand son called living in denial, and my neighbor called it neurotic. My distant cousin considered it psychotic. My son, who is a medical student with a keen interest in mental health challenges, said  it is a  border line of madness. WHAT will Katsina, sokoto, zamfara,  kebbi, Niger call it.

Ordinarily, one should respect Shehu’s judgement—being a medical doctor—and that of his son—a medical student. But I am also entitled to my opinion: Ribadu is sane. I can agree that he is joking. He might also be “podium-excited” and thus veered off.

I further wrote in that column: “We are, for the first time with government paid cheerleaders, on the same page. They concede that the existence of “Pain” is not in controversy—it is incontrovertible. What they have controverted is the “T” in the T-Pain. While the “T”—to the overwhelming majority of Nigerians—means what they truly believe it means, it means “Temporary Pain” to government sycophants who feed on people’s pain.”

Here again, we have Ribadu. I don’t know how to describe him. He disagrees with all Nigerians. By all Nigerians, I mean every Nigerian. He disagrees with Tinubu’s critics. He disagrees with Tinubu’sbootlickers. He disagrees with Tinubu himself. While the disagreement in T-Pain is not about the “Pain” as pointed above. It is about the “T” if it means “Tinubu” or “Temporary.”Ribadu is the only sane Nigerian I know under Tinubu’s payroll who affirms, like most Nigerians outside the ruling class, that the “T” in T-Pain is Tinubu. However, unlike all Nigerians, the “Pain” in T-Pain is “Gain.” What we have now, according to Ribadu, is T-Gain; not T-Pain.

Ribadu was initially appointed as special adviser on security before he was later promoted to replace Babagana Mongunu as the National Security Adviser. If I were President Tinubu, I will elevate Ribadu for his ingenuity and further promote him for a work well done. He (Ribadu) must be a genius. He changed the narrative completely.

Now I understand! All the enough evidence Ribadu previously claimed he had, when he was the EFCC Chairman, to nail Tinubu whose corruption then was that of an “international dimension” must have been washed away by the Maiduguri flood. Or who was the governor that Ribadu allegedly claimed to have taken about 75 percent of the state resources?

This country is sick. May God heal Nigeria.

Abdulkadir Salaudeen.

salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com