When A Marriage Has No Child, Why Is The Woman Always On Trial? -By Adebayo Adedotun Promise

Across many communities, infertility is still treated as a woman’s failure. But science tells a different story, and society urgently needs to listen.

The questions often begin innocently.

“Any good news?”

At first, she smiles.

Then the questions return.

At family gatherings. At weddings. During phone calls from concerned relatives.

“When are you giving us a child?”

Months become years, and the questions become suggestions.

“Have you gone to the hospital?”

“Maybe you should try another church.”

Eventually, they become accusations.

“What exactly is wrong with you?”

Somewhere along the way, a marriage that belongs to two people becomes a trial in which only one person is standing in the dock.

The woman.

In many African communities, when a couple struggles to have a child, society often looks at the woman first and sometimes never looks anywhere else.

She becomes the one expected to visit hospitals, take medications, attend prayer sessions and explain herself to family members. Her body becomes the subject of conversations she never asked to have.

But infertility is not automatically a woman’s problem.

According to the World Health Organization, infertility can result from factors affecting the male reproductive system, the female reproductive system, both partners, or causes that remain unexplained. Yet stigma continues to place a disproportionate burden on women.

And that is where society gets it painfully wrong.

The woman may be asked repeatedly what is wrong with her while nobody asks whether her husband has also been examined. She may carry the emotional weight of a problem that belongs to a couple or one that may not even be medically connected to her.

This is not about blaming men instead.

It is about ending the dangerous assumption that infertility must automatically be blamed on women.

Because infertility is not a woman’s burden.

And it should not be a man’s shame.

It is a health challenge that deserves understanding, proper medical attention and shared responsibility.

Unfortunately, infertility can turn private pain into public discussion.

Everyone seems to have an opinion.

An aunty has advice. A neighbour has a theory. Someone knows a spiritual solution. Another person suggests herbs, prayers or even another marriage.

But behind the advice and assumptions are real people carrying pain that society cannot see.

Hospital appointments.

Financial sacrifices.

Disappointment.

Hope.

And sometimes, heartbreak.

Perhaps the most damaging part of infertility is not always the absence of a child. Sometimes, it is the presence of an entire society watching, questioning and blaming.

Culture and family are important. The desire to have children is deeply meaningful to many people. But culture should never become a weapon against those who are already hurting.

A woman without a child is not less of a woman.

Her value does not begin with motherhood, and it does not disappear without it.

She is a daughter, a sister, a wife, a leader, a professional, a dreamer and a human being with a life that matters beyond what society expects her body to produce.

Perhaps we have been asking the wrong question all along.

Instead of asking:

“Why don’t you have children?”

Maybe we should ask:

“Are you okay?”

Instead of asking what is wrong with her, perhaps we should ask how we can support them.

Because when a marriage has no child, why is the woman always on trial?

It is time to change the questions.

It is time to replace stigma with understanding and blame with compassion.

Because infertility deserves science, not shame.

And every woman deserves to be seen as more than a mother or the expectation of becoming one.

ADEBAYO ADEDOTUN PROMISE is a Nigerian writer and commentator interested in social issues, culture and conversations that challenge the way society thinks. Through writing, he explores everyday realities and human experiences that are often overlooked.

Thank you for considering my submission. I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,

ADEBAYO ADEDOTUN PROMISE
onlymavro@gmail.com