Lt. Yarima vs Minister Wike: A Romantic Analysis -By Abdulkadir Salaudeen

The young Nigerian Navy officer, Lt. Ahmad Yarima, won the trophy against the “indefatigable” FCT Minister, Nyesom Wike. This week is said to be the weakest week for Wike, not because Wike is weak, but because he was weakened.

Note, Wike is not weak because Abuja, which he ministered, has been mapped out by Trump for invasion. He is weak because a Yarima, who was not yet born when Wike graduated from university, taught him to be humble.

The Nigerian social media was agog and is still agog with jubilation over humiliated Wike, the man who “owns” Abuja. Wike, until his encounter with Yarima, knew only one god in Abuja—himself. Not even Tinubu. He expected to be worshipped by all. However, Yarima is an exception. It’s not that Yarima doesn’t know Wike is a deity to be worshipped; it’s just that the young military man believes he has to do his job.

In the course of doing his job, the “sacred” Wike was desecrated, to the delight of most Nigerians. If Wike, as some would say, has always been an eyesore, Yarima is a cynosure—the opposite equivalent of Wike. Take a look at Wike and Yarima again. I became tired of counting; I had to stop counting the number of beautiful ladies who were immediately “married” to Yarima after his encounter with Wike. Many, who are yet to marry him, have already fixed their wedding dates. Some are about to make their marriage proposals.

In fact, just within 24 hours, one particular lady “married” Yarima, and the marriage immediately produced some number of kids. If you still think AI isn’t one of the greatest inventions of this age, please wake up before you’re mistakenly buried as a relic of the past.

The Yarima vs Wike drama is very interesting. In one episode of the drama, we saw Mohammed Badaru, the Minister of Defense, who quickly came on board to express esprit de corps. Though not a military man, but by virtue of his portfolio, Badaru backed Yarima’s action. He was quoted as saying, “Well, at the ministry, and indeed in the armed forces, we will always protect our officers on lawful duty.”

I think, as a minister, his comment shouldn’t have made a mockery of the injured Wike, who is also a minister. Yes, I don’t expect him to chide or praise Yarima. Yet, I think it’s unministerial to say you’ll defend your staff on lawful duty against another minister. Anyway, it could be that everyone, including Badaru, is tired of Wike – the Abuja Landlord. Hahaha! I tried to determine the angle of elevation of Wike’s neck, being a relatively short man, as he looked up at a tall Yarima to yell at him: “Get out, you are a fool.” Then I realized I need to study mathematics further—I need more lessons in mathematics to get the measurement right.

Yarima retorted politely and insisted, “I am not a fool.” He didn’t forget to add “sir.” That is to say, he was very composed as the fiery Wike spewed brimstones. Many have praised Yarima for his calm but resolute demeanor. I am with the majority on this.

Wike: “Get out”, “Shut up.” Yarima: “I will not shut up,” “I am an officer,” “I have integrity,” “I am not a fool,” and (I am not Fubara). Yarima didn’t explicitly say he is not Fubara, but many listeners interpreted Yarima’s “I-am-not-a-fool” statement as an indirect way of saying “I am not Fubara.”

In the heat of the altercation, when Yarima refused to get out as instructed by the yelling Wike, Wike stylishly got out. Many observed that Yarima’s left hand was inside his pocket. Only God, and maybe Wike, knows what might have come out of Yarima’s pocket. Applying gerontological wisdom, Wike humbly got out, even though Yarima didn’t instruct him to, or shout “get out” at him.

That said, we should always remember that the FCT Minister is equivalent to a governor. In other words, Wike is the Governor of Abuja. How can a governor of a state be denied access to any land—a yet to be developed land—under his territory?

While many celebrated Yarima and denigrated Wike, I’ve seen some few individuals who argued that Yarima was wrong to have denied Wike access. They premised their arguments on some provisions in the Land Use Act, 1999 Constitution, and some court cases that could serve as precedent. They might be right. But since my analysis in this column is a romantic analysis, I’m leaving the legal analysis for our learned legal experts.

In fact, an analyst said, “Those praising Yarima are useful idiots who are not thinking well because they don’t like Wike.” He is right too. That is why I choose to romanticize my analysis. But if one is an idiot for praising Yarima, the truth is that the idiocy, as the analyst acknowledged, is a useful one because it is about Wike, and brutes like him would learn.

Then, one furious Joe Igbokwe insisted that Yarima must be sacked for what he did. I looked at him again, I mean Igbokwe. But when I realized he’s an old man, I concluded: well, old people think differently. It was later I learnt from Deji Adeyanju that Igbokwe, who is an author of five books, is actually struggling to get Tinubu’s juicy appointment, which has not been forthcoming. If that is true, his call for the sack of Yarima is understandable.

But is Yarima a hero? Some have argued that he should have been at the frontline, defending Nigerian territory as a military officer. A coward, which Yarima is, according to them, is rather wasting Nigerian resources – protecting his boss’ land. That is an interesting argument.

If this argument holds water, and I think it does, it’s still not Yarima’s fault. That is the job he has been assigned to do. We may blame the military as an institution or the government for the inappropriate assignment.

Those who do not see heroism in what Yarima did also said: would Yarima be bold enough to do what he did if he had been a son of nobody? This is an allusion to his father, who is a retired general. I can’t answer this question. His critics too can only make conjecture. The answer can be “yes” or “no.”

So, is Yarima a hero? Honestly, and I have to be frank here, he is not a hero in the sense that it’s not Bello Turji that he captured alive and humiliated. At the same time, he is a hero because he single-handedly humiliated Wike, whom many Nigerians not only see as a problem but as cantankerous, garrulous, loquacious, argumentative, arrogant, self-important, megalomaniac, and hidebound.

Many Nigerians have used some of these long words to describe Wike. I’m not saying they are wrong. But why should I stress myself when a simple three-letter word (MAD) qualifies him better. Wike is a madman. Only a mad minister will condescend so low the way Wike did to enforce directives. Good for him, he found his match in Yarima, who knows how to handle madness. He humbled and handled Wike without manhandling him.

Before anyone reports me to Trump that I called a whole FCT Minister a madman, Wike actually acknowledged he is a madman. And I believe he is not mistaken. He knows himself better. He carefully chose the adjective for himself.

Those who think Wike’s wings have been clipped do not know Wike. Admittedly, and obviously, he has been humiliated by someone he considers a boy who should “shut up” when he is talking. Yet, I am very sure, the madness in Wike has not left him and will probably not leave him because he is determined not to lose his job. Though he might regain his sanity when he loses his job that gets him intoxicated, but because he would like to remain a madman, he is determined not to lose his job.

One most important lesson is that our rulers in Nigeria should adopt a new matrix for decent behavior. It is wrong to disrespect rulers, but that is when they embody decency, justice, clemency, and good behavior. However, when rulers are criminals, brutes, ruthless, and selfish, citizens would have no regard for them. Our rulers can make themselves lovable to the citizens.

May God help Nigeria.

Abdulkadir Salaudeen

salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com