I Finally Understand Why People Trust Me With Sensitive Information -By Joe Dauda

I only have a few friends and majority of them consider me their best friend. And other people, I have realized, share sensitive and even very sensitive information with me. Sometimes I wonder if they are not afraid of betrayal.

This morning while listening to my most cherished motivational speaker, Myles Munroe, I finally understand why people tend to trust me.

My wife and my close friends have a hard time chatting with me sometimes because I resist any attempt to talk about others. Especially negatively. Even if the information is being passed without malice and without sadism. Of course I’m not stupid. It’s ok to allow my wife, for example, tell me about mundane things that go on in her life with reference to others. Women, I’m told, need to unwind by talking about things. Usually this can be harmless and even emotionally rewarding for them. So I listen and make the necessary sounds to show I’m paying attention. But she has come to know (and my close friends have come to accept the fact) that whenever you start talking negative things about people, you have to convince me that what you are saying is not just verifiable fact but that I need to hear it. And that it is the best use of our time. I discourage people from gossiping in different ways. Sometimes I just appoint myself as the lawyer for the person being criticized. I try to neutralize everything being said about them until the interaction becomes too stressful and too boring. The topic eventually changes. I have mistakenly hurt a close friend in this way because sometimes what they are saying is a genuine case of the other person acting badly, with no room for possible exoneration.

These days, it is not unusual to hear those close to me initiate a conversation about someone else by issuing a caveat. This caveat could be such as: I’m not judging this person but this is what happened. Or, I know you don’t like talking bad about people but this is different. They know I will be listening closely to catch any attempt at maligning the person: so they self-censure their speech (or at least attempt to do so) as a price to be paid to get my attention.

To cut the story short, Myles Munroe just helped me realize that it is my reluctance to talk about others that actually makes other people feel comfortable to tell me very deep things about themselves. They know I will not repeat it to someone else even though they got to know this the hard way—by being consistently denied the pleasure or the opportunity of speaking about others (especially negatively) in my hearing.

When something is public knowledge, I don’t mind talking about it and even doing some analysis; but I am totally disinclined to the idea of speaking critically of people in their absence. This is why I have become famous for calling meetings. If I need to criticize a person who has shown recalcitrance in the past, I get a few people together and tell that person how I feel—in the presence of others. This is not gossip. In fact if everyone adopted this template for dealing with grouses, gossiping will end.

There are times when one has to criticize publicly. Wisdom will often determine the best time for such. But the point is that when you listen to gossip or gossip about others, you damage your own credibility. The reason is that the person you are gossiping with cannot help subconsciously realizing that they are also possible victims of your behaviour. They may never trust you with information that matters.

Talking about people is a must. But please be lenient when you do. Remember what Jesus Christ said about the men that tried to stone Mary Magdalene when she was caught in adultery. He said the only persons qualified to stone her were those without sin. None of those men possessed that qualification. So they dropped their stones and left.

Gossip is like stoning a person. Since you are not without fault yourself, you annoy God seriously when you open your 32 to criticize others recklessly and with glee. He looks at you and sees your faults and is not amused that you are so blind you can’t see that you are actually accusing others of what you are guilty of.

I’m not claiming to be perfect in this regard but I seem to have a natural disposition to protecting other people’s reputation. So I don’t take it lightly when people are criticized.

Is it because I’m conscious of my own faults?

Maybe.

Maybe I’m so focused on dealing with my own faults I’m unable to worry about the faults of others.

And maybe that’s a good thing.

Be conscious of your own faults and you will be a little shy about bashing others.

Matthew 7:3-5

[3]And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

[4]Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

[5]Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”

Hello ladies! Don’t mind men; they gossip too.

But today is an opportunity for all of us to adjust our ways. Stop talking about people except when necessary. Focus on yourself for improvement; listen to music; read a book; talk about your next project. Pray! Take a walk! Go to the hospital to keep someone company. Call a friend on phone to say hi. There are many things you can do if you have too much free time but talking about people shouldn’t be your priority. Life is too short to be spent talking about people. It annoys God and it reduces you—even in the eyes of the person listening to your gossip. It wastes time. It builds negative energy.

So make the switch today and you will be a happier person.

Psalms 15:1,3

[1](A Psalm of David.) “LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill?

[3]He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbour, nor taketh up a reproach against his neighbour.”

May God have mercy on all of us.