Salient Lesson Women-Beaters Can Learn From  UNIZIK Lecturer’s Emotional Maturity -By Isaac Asabor

In a world where violence against women remains a persistent scourge, the recent altercation between a lecturer at Nnamdi Azikiwe University (UNIZIK) and a female student offers an unexpected lesson in emotional maturity. Dr. Chukwudi Okoye’s remarkable restraint and self-control in the face of physical aggression are qualities sorely lacking among men who resort to violence against women. His handling of the situation is a case study in patience, temperance, and dignity, an approach worthy of emulation, particularly by those who raise their hands against women in their homes. Without a doubt, the incident remains a test of temperament. 

The altercation at UNIZIK began as a seemingly minor disruption. A student, Goddy Mbakwe Precious, was filming a TikTok video in a university corridor when Dr. Okoye politely asked her to step aside. What followed was a dramatic escalation, verbal insults, physical aggression, and an assault in which the lecturer was bitten and his clothes torn. Despite being provoked, he did not retaliate with violence, an approach that sharply contrasts the troubling norm of men who respond to lesser provocations with brute force.

Imagine if Dr. Okoye had responded differently, if he had lashed out in anger, struck back, or humiliated the student in return. The narrative today would be entirely different. Yet, in the face of provocation, he exercised commendable restraint. His ability to walk away without resorting to violence is an example that must be amplified, especially in a society where many men see physical dominance as a solution to conflict.

Across Nigeria and beyond, instances of domestic violence continue to dominate news headlines. Stories of men assaulting their wives over trivial matters have become all too common. From husbands who beat their wives for speaking out of turn to fathers who brutalize daughters under the guise of discipline, violence against women remains a deeply entrenched issue. This culture of aggression is often justified by toxic masculinity, a misguided belief that a man must assert his authority through physical dominance.

This is why Dr. Okoye’s composure in the heat of confrontation is so remarkable. It stands in stark contrast to the behavior of men who see violence as the first response to perceived disrespect. He chose to de-escalate, a lesson many men, particularly those with abusive tendencies, should learn from. His restraint should not be mistaken for weakness. On the contrary, it is an exhibition of strength, an attribute that distinguishes true masculinity from the fragile egos that lash out at the slightest provocation.

Without sounding exaggerative in this context, Dr. Okoye unarguably debunked the myth of ‘She Provoked Me’.  In fact, one of the most common excuses given by wife-beaters and violent men is that their victims ‘provoked’ them. They argue that their actions were reactions, placing the blame on the woman rather than taking responsibility for their own behavior. But Dr. Okoye’s response to provocation dismantles this weak justification.

He was insulted. He was physically assaulted. He was bitten. His clothes were torn. If there was ever a situation where a man could argue that he had been ‘provoked,’ this was it. And yet, he chose not to retaliate violently. He walked away. He allowed due process to take its course. If a man in his position, disrespected, attacked, and injured, could restrain himself, what excuse does the average wife-beater have?

What the UNIZIK lecturer displayed was emotional intelligence, a quality that is often lacking in men who resort to violence. Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, manage, and regulate one’s emotions while also empathizing with others. It is what enables individuals to handle conflict without resorting to aggression.

Unfortunately, many men are not taught emotional intelligence. They are socialized to believe that anger must be expressed through fists, that dominance is equated with violence, and that respect is earned through fear. But this outdated mentality must be challenged. The UNIZIK lecturer’s example serves as a reminder that there are better, more dignified ways to respond to conflict. He showed that true strength lies in control, not aggression.

While individual choices play a role, societal structures must also evolve to discourage violence against women. Boys must be raised with a new definition of masculinity, one that values self-restraint, dialogue, and respect. Schools should incorporate lessons on conflict resolution, and religious institutions must do more than merely preach submission to women while turning a blind eye to abuse.

Legal frameworks must also be strengthened to ensure that those who engage in domestic violence face real consequences. The law should send a clear message that no form of abuse is acceptable. Men who abuse women must not only face social condemnation but also legal repercussions.

In fact, Dr. Okoye’s response to provocation is a masterclass in restraint and emotional intelligence. His example is one that men, especially those with abusive tendencies, should strive to emulate. In a world where domestic violence continues to shatter lives, his handling of a heated situation is proof that physical retaliation is not the only way to respond to provocation.

The lesson from UNIZIK is clear: strength is not in how hard you hit, but in how well you control your emotions. To all the men who struggle with anger, who feel the urge to lash out at their wives or partners, take a cue from Dr. Okoye. Learn to walk away. Learn to control your emotions. Learn to be better.