Kidnapped But Fine: What a Country! -By Abdulkadir Salaudeen

We must continue to struggle against the conviction that Nigeria has lost it all as a country. It takes stubborn optimism to believe Nigeria could still be great. This assertion becomes even more indisputable when one considers the calibre of those steering the capsizing ship that is Nigeria. Yet, to maintain one’s sanity, it’s better to hope against hopelessness.

If embezzling public funds is the most thriving enterprise in Nigeria, kidnapping has emerged as a formidable rival. Nature abhors vacuum. Since industries in Nigeria continue to shut down and legitimate businesses are dying due to an unconducive and frightening environment, kidnapping — the new industry — is thriving. This underworld industry is becoming one of the largest employers of labour.

To be employed in this industry doesn’t require evidence of spending many years in school. What is required is either being out of school due to lack of basic education which could be blamed on parents and/or government or having a certificate but no job. These two situations are calamitous; I don’t know which is more calamitous: not being schooled at all and growing up as urchins, or being schooled and obtaining certificates but remaining irredeemably hopeless due to unending joblessness.

It is not a prophesy — one is not prophesying — to say people will be Kidnapped tomorrow in Nigeria. This has become an everyday experience. (We can only pray not to be the next victims.) It is only that when soft targets like schools are hit, the breaking news becomes even more sensational. The series of kidnappings in schools recently led to the closure of many schools in the North. Many have criticized this, arguing that the region, notorious for out-of-school children, should not shut down existing schools, even if they’re not effective. They are right.

But the government is not wrong either if it thinks it cannot protect those schools and the pupils in them. The government should rather be criticized for its nonchalant attitude toward villagers who are being kidnapped and murdered in scores almost on a daily basis. If schools are shut down because pupils were kidnapped, why are our villages not being shut down by the government?”

If the government shut down our schools because it cares, why doesn’t it shut down our villages too to show that it truly cares? To be more caring, states like Katsina, Zamfara, Niger, Kaduna, Sokoto, Kebbi, Kwara, and Kogi should also be shut down because of the rampaging outlaws who won’t let us sleep peacefully with our eyes closed.

Just last Saturday, bandits reportedly invaded Chacho community in Wurno LGA of Sokoto State where they abducted at least 30 women and girls, including a bride and her bridesmaids during the invasion. Government should shut down Chacho community because it cares.

Or better still, Nigeria as a whole should be shut down if the government cannot protect its citizens. Trump would be willing to take over. He has already parched on the necks of the Senate President, Godswill Akpabio, and other lawmakers. Trump is, no doubt, on Tinubu’s neck as evident in some steps he took recently which he was apparently not ready to take before Trump’s invasion threat to protect his ‘cherished Christians’ from genocide.

But there is one thing Tinubu has not done. I hope Tinubu would quickly relieve Shettima of his vice presidential position. For we learnt recently from a so-called pastor that Muslim-Muslim presidency is also genocide against Nigerian Christians. That is Reverend Ezekiel Dachomo from Plateau State. I strongly believe his thinking cap was not on his head when he made that claim. Lexicographers across the globe are advised to reach out to Dachomo for more understanding of the the word ‘genocide.’

Let’s just hope that Donald Trump, who is already on the necks of our rulers, does not know that Muslim-Muslim is also a genocide against Nigerian Christians. Maybe the NNPP chieftain Buba Galadima is right anyway. If his opinion is anything to go by, the country needs to be recolonized. If not recolonization as Galadima suggests, then the country needs a serious factory reset. Some of us are not just normal.

We are in a deep mess. To add insult to the country’s injury as it oozes out blood and pus, the National Security Adviser, Nuhu Ribadu, was quoted as saying that the children kidnapped in a school in Niger State “are FINE and will be back soon,” Ribadu added that “the children are where they are and will come back safely.” How can kidnapped students be fine in kidnappers’ dens, mostly located in deep forest? This should be noted as one of the major achievements of Tinubu administration. Even the blind can see this achievement! It is called Tinubu’s gain!

Against all odds, under Tinubu, children flourish in kidnappers’ hands. The non-kinetic approach is truly yielding the expected result. That kidnapped children would find solace is unthinkable in previous administrations. This is not only wonderful, it is a rare feat. Tinubu’s gain.

I still do not understand why some of these government appointees don’t like to wear their thinking caps when they intend to address the public on serious issues, especially those that border on the thin line between life and death. Thirteen months ago, I wrote a column titled “Tinubu’s Gains: Is Ribadu Living In Fool’s Paradise?” It was at the time Nigerians were groaning due to T-pain. Ribadu bragged about what he called Tinubu’s Gains. One of the gains was that Nigerians can move and travel to anywhere without fear. I called that a big fat lie. After one year one month, Ribadu told the world that the yet-to-be-rescued kidnapped children are fine. This can only happen in fool’s Paradise.

Thursday again, that was yesterday, Ribadu told us that Nigeria remains the only functioning democracy in the entire Sahel. Functioning democracy? Really!? No wonder hundreds of children who are supposed to be in school are fine and doing well in the bush under the ‘care’ of bandits. May the Almighty God grant our rulers emotional intelligence. Saying kidnapped children are fine in the bush is like teasing parents of these victims. Our rulers should measure and vet their speeches before they cough them out. This is insulting.

May I use this medium to plead to our rulers to do the needful. Our forest should be combed to fish out kidnappers and rescue the kidnapped. I don’t care maybe the approach is kinetic or non-kinetic. No child, or adult,  can be fine in kidnappers’ dens. May the Almighty grant all the rescued victims the ability to overcome their trauma and may we never be victims.

Abdulkadir Salaudeen

salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com